Shame is only shame, if you believe it.

You cannot always control outcomes. You can control the role that you play, you can control the choices and decisions that you make. You cannot always control the results. For instance, if you work on a team project, you can put in effort and produce great work (doing your part), however, you may not be able to control how your team members work. Hence, the project can fail — not because it’s your fault, but because you’re unable to control all the variables that lead to final results. As a business owner, you can do all the right things and play your part, but if your client doesn’t pay you and it causes a ripple effect within your company, you can try to fix it, but you cannot always control everything. In a relationship, the same applies.

If you attach your Self Worth to what you do, then you give people the power to control you. If you attach it to who you are, then you become free of what works and doesn’t work in your life. On my self discovery journey, I learned to DETACH my identity from things that are outside my control. I often say I am not my business, I am not the work I do, I am not my bank account, I am not my social media community, I am not my relationships, I am not things.

This brings me to the subject of Shame. Many people stunt their growth for fear of shame. You need to move on from that job, but you’re ashamed of what people would say, after you have put in years of work there. You need to exit that relationship, but you’re ashamed of the cultural implications of it. You need to scale down your standard of living to manage your current income, but you’re ashamed to exit from your luxury club membership. Your life is spiraling but the shame just keeps you going in the opposite direction of success.

It’s okay to be a embarrassed about something. But don’t turn the embarrassment into shame. Shame is self destructive. Shame is toxic. Shame is ungodly. I believe that God is control of my life and He has reasons for everything that happens. I don’t know what Shame is!

That thing you’re ashamed of…..??? LET IT GO! .

Adaora Mbelu