They say I'm authentic.
I have mixed feelings when people say "Adaora, you're very real". I appreciate the comment...However, I wish it wasn't a rare badge of honor. I think it is sad that being ones authentic self is a compliment, rather than normalcy. I imagine myself as a little kid at the playground, receiving a pat at the back for helping the kid who fell off the swing. You know, the normal stuff we did in our childhood.
Adulting can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you finally get to be "independent" from your parents. On the other hand, your entire mind is dependent on a subconscious programming that influences how you live. Last week, I was telling a friend how I feel like I'm watching people struggle in an experimental lab cage with no knowledge that they are bound by mental limitations. I see another set of people, who believe that they are "woke", but are fully bound by chains of "I want to stand out", and struggle to be outside the box. Sometimes, outside the box is simply another box. .
Self awareness and discovery is not about standing out, or having contrary views to everyone else. That's Ego. It is also not about being vulnerable (although this is a part of it. Awareness is about immersing in, and conquering yourself...and as a result being able to better interact with others. Awareness is not about knowing your strengths and using them. It requires acknowledging your weaknesses, and then working on them each day. It is about transcending beyond your ego, and will often make you do things your masked self won't do - Apologize, Admit, Keep Silent, Pick Battles, stay steadfast to faith and values, Walk away, Be Honest, Serve etc. The tough stuff ! .
I may speak a lot, but it is never just to speak. My voice is the outlet, but the message comes from spirit. My job is to get it out in a way that it does the work - beyond the applause. I can't measure immediate success, because the result rarely occurs in the moment. Many times, the impact happens long after the interaction. Hence, I have learned that the applause is hardly a measurement of the result. .